Wufei's Almighty Rules Of Parenting
by Kiken Yuy
Summary: The long long loooooong awaited addition to the Parenting Series. It's Wufei's turn to play Daddy and he's worse than Heero and Duo put together!


Everyone is begging me to write rules for the Wu-meister so here goes! Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN GUNDAM WING!! Do you want me to get it tattooed on my forehead? Ok, but it'll be a while before my next paycheck.....ha. You want it? You got it. Mail the athouress....... Now, on with the funny shit!  
  
*~!~ Wufei's Almighty Rules of Parenting ~!~* Well since you're just an onna, and since Yuy and Maxwell have written one too, I've decided to create my own little list of commands-I mean *orders* for you~  
  
Rule One: I'm whatching you.......  
  
Rule Two: I'm still whatching you.......  
  
Rule Three: You're still being whatched.....  
  
Rule Four: You'll be whatched so often that the homing device I put in you while you were sleeping will finally pay off.....  
  
Rule Five: If you somehow deactivate the homing device and get involved with the authorities and/or the government, aka ILLEGAL action, .........let's just say I don't know you, you don't know me, and we've never seen each other before. Got it?! Great!  
  
Rule Six: I never want to see you touch my katana, but if you want one that badly, I'll give you the money and you can go out and buy your very own teacher-slaughtering sword, perfect for that pesky homework and whatnot.  
  
Rule Seven: I'm sure you'll be asking for a pet sooner or later. You'll probably want something soft and cuddly and cute and furry and adorable and hugable and lovable......well all that cuddlyness is weak! You don't want a weak pet do you? Of course not. That's why I've taken the liberty of buying you the most honorable pet you could ever ask for...............you're very own PET ROCK!!! YAY FOR ALL THE PET ROCKS IN THE WORLD!!!!! It's either that or the goldfish Duo gave me after he went to the fair last weekend, which is dead by the way,......trust me, those pet rocks never let you down.  
  
Rule Eight: You will never *EVER* see me in an apron......so if you want to eat, cook your own food.  
  
Rule Nine: Dating, dating, dating......what a stupid subject. I DO NOT want to see you go out with a single boy until AFTER you're married! Then, by all means, knock yourself out.  
  
Rule Ten: Now, I know that girls go through a certain stage where they start to change and new things appear in strange places.......but for the love of everything holy, PLEASE don't tell me about it! I'd like my mind free of any nose-bleed-provoking images, thank you. If you have a problem, go to Yuy's house. I've heard that he's an expert at those kind of things....  
  
Rule Eleven: If you are ever having trouble in school or with your friends and you just feel like there's no way out, like you're on the verge of a breakdown and nobody cares, you're all alone and you need someone who loves you to help you through those tough times..............well I know a great therapist.  
  
Rule Twelve: You WILL obey my rules. Why? Because I said so. So ha! If you choose to ignore any of these rules,........well then I hope you like sing- along songs because I've got duck tape, rope, a soundproof room, and the whole collection of Barny's Happy Little Diddys with you name on it. So when you're tied to a chair and your mouth is taped shut and the melody of big dancing purple dinosaurs flood you ears and you can't think about anything but your plot for revenge, just remember one simple little thing......I brought you into this world just so I could have somebody to laugh at.......ahem......and I still love you......  
  
~fin~  
  
Well, we can tell that she's going to be a problem child in the near future, no?  
  
Honestly I don't like this one very much.....it's just kind of....ick. But tell me what you think *holds up a sign with the words 'Comment or I will pummel you with pet rocks!' scribbled onto it*   
  
A/N: This story is dedicated to my good friend, Gem, who acted as my muse today and gave me the inspiration to write again. Thanks, Gem!! Hugs and kisses for you!!!  
  
P.S. I'm sorry it took so long......writers block and all.....gomen nasai.....uh....new fic comming soon! Yaio Fics for Dummies!!! It's going to be dedicated to all of the people that waited for me to get my arse in gear and write something since Xmas. Thanks to ye all! God bless Gay USA!!!!! W00T!!  
  
P.P.S. If this is your first time readying on of my trademarked "Parenting stories", you should click on my name at the top of the fic...(yea that one word that looks like a K and an I and another K and an EN and then a YU with a Y at the end......TIS MY NAME, YES YES!!!) and you'll see all of the series I've written.....yes, well........you owe me a new acorn!! o.O 


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